Beautiful Breasts But no Milk

I have breasts, beautiful breasts which are short, rounded, medium-sized, and full and it gives me the maximum feelings  I need from my husband during sex. It is the kind of breast that hardly aged or sagged due to its size. I know you will be wondering why I am describing this to you, well, with all the years of admiring this beautiful gift from my creator to me, I did not know that there will be a day when I will feel less complete as a woman because of this said breast.

To my friends, Family, in-laws and loved ones, I am the perfect wife to my Husband and he is a perfect husband to me. As a newly wedded couple, we grabbed every opportunity to showcase this beautiful union both online and offline. I became pregnant with my first child and as God may have it, I went through the nine months in peace and put to bed. 

As society may have it, I am supposed to breastfeed my baby exclusively without any issues. As a first-time mother, everyone who visited me preached about how important it is to bond with my bundle of joy through breastfeeding. I am also eager and excited to embark on the breastfeeding journey for the first time as a mother. It will be fun, I said to myself. I have made up my mind to do it with or without the preachings from my Family and In-laws. 

Well, life is full of surprises and second Chances. I suffered from bowel obstruction before giving birth which became severe after I was put to bed and was operated on, a day after I gave birth to my first child. I was not able to hold my baby for a week, let alone breastfeed him and when I finally did, my breast act up. At first, my beautiful breast was producing milk but it was not enough for my baby so I breastfeed and compliment it with Formula. 

A few months after delivery, my breast dried up completely but I continued to give it to my baby especially when he is crying, when his gum is itching or when I am trying to put him to sleep. Somehow news breaks out that I am using more formula than breast milk. Rumours have started hitting the streets that I am not interested in breastfeeding because I don’t want my breast to sag. Some started saying that career women like me don’t breastfeed their babies. I tried hard to ignore it, but the more I tried the more painful it becomes. 

It gets to a point that I will lock my bedroom door, undress before the mirror and try to see if my breast is different from what other women have. I wondered if what I am going through, was a sickness peculiar to only me or are other women in the Gambia and around the globe who are also going through this. Why is my bra not getting soaked in breast milk like other lactating women including my sisters who got married, breastfeed and are still breastfeeding their babies without any formula supplements?

I was going crazy and I wanted answers but these people are making me feel incomplete and sick even after they know the truth.  Even after talking to my gynae, I don’t understand and I refuse to accept that this is normal. I read stories of women with the same issue on Google but I still feel bad for falling into this category of women who has insufficient breast milk or none at all. What is the use of having a beautiful breast with no breast milk to give to your baby? I asked myself.

One day my wise old granny, visited me and asked me ‘Being barren or lack of breast milk, which one do you prefer, my child? That was when I realized that, I am not only beautiful but blessed by my creator, breast milk or not. That was when I learned to let go and focus on things that make me happy. Being a great mother does not lie in having enough breast milk, it requires love, care, sacrifice and effort one puts into nurturing and raising a beautiful bundle of joy. 

If you are a woman out there, suffering in silence, feeling less of a woman due to insufficient or no breast milk while lactating, know that there are women out there, who are willing to trade places with you to have just one child they can call theirs. Let go and focus on what will make you happy and the strength to take care of that baby. 

And yes, I have the most beautiful healthy, chubby and charming baby who is now a few years old and mommy’s friend.