I am a Married Woman, Not a Sex Worker

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My name is Fatoumata Dibba. I am a 22-year-old woman from Farafenni who was married off to a 45-year-old Old Man Kawsu Saidykhan from Mansakonko. I was his 3rd wife and the youngest of the two.

I do not have a say in the marriage because I was married at 16 and by the time I celebrated my 19th Birthday, my Husband was bitten by a venomous snake at the Farm and died hours later before he could make it to the hospital. He was in his 20s and the only child of the Family. We were not blessed with kids so I left the Family after the mourning period was over. I became a widow at 19.

I was living with my stepmother and she made life a living hell for me so I was married off to this man by my stepmother with support from my father as a means of getting rid of me. My mother is alive and happily married in her second Husband's house after divorcing my abusive father.

When I got to Mansakonko, I was a stranger with no friends or family to look after. I was at the mercy of my co-wives Mansata and Mariama both women in their 30s. They made me understand that our husband had poor eyesight and a bad waist. They told me that as a result of his illness, he could not farm or do any commercial activity to fend for the family. They told me that, they are the ones responsible for their feeding and of their children.

The whole thing was surprising and new to me and I was thinking that there were farmlands we could use during the rainy season to cultivate cash crops like rice, corn, millet, and groundnut and vegetable gardening during the dry season.

To my surprise, my husband is not only sick but he did not also own a piece of land to farm on.

I asked my co-wives how they survived and I got the most shocking revelation of my life.

It turns out that, at night, they all gather their small plates of ground nuts, oranges, etc disguised as petty traders on the highway around Soma Market. They will sit and wait for Truck drivers who are passing the night at guest houses and need company. They spend the night or nights with them and they will give them whatever they ask for. This is how they survive. When they were done explaining, the first wife shoved a box of Condoms in my face. I picked up the box and opened it. My eyes widened in disbelief when I confirmed that it was indeed Condom. My eyes welled up in tears and I tried blinking them back because I did not want to break down in front of my Co-wives and give them the pleasure of bullying me and thinking that I was weak. 

I looked at them, stepped closer to them, shoved the box of condoms back into their faces, and stormed off. I stopped under a baobab tree and sat under it gasping for air and calming my nerves. What do they take me for, a prostitute, I am not desperate. If not for my wicked stepmother, I would be at my father's house focusing on my petty trade and saving up money for my future. I will not be here struggling to feed myself and a sickly old man. If my Husband were alive, I would not have to worry about shelter, food, clothing, and protection from my stepmother not to talk of marrying a sickly old man. This was not the life I dreamed of when I walked the aisle with him but Allah has his plans and there is nothing I can do about it. 

However, I can and will do something about my current situation. I am a married woman, not a sex worker. That's when I knew that I had to be financially independent to stand on my feet and free myself from this arranged marriage. After sitting on the rocks under the shed of the Baobab tree and taking in the cool breeze of the evening. I returned home pretending that everything was okay while planning the next step of my life. 

The following day, I decided to do the right thing which was to go to pay a visit to the Alkalo's wife and explain my situation to her to see if she could link me with women groups. The woman was a kind and accommodating person and she took me in as a daughter and linked me to the women Kafos so that I could get a piece of land to grow vegetables and sell. 

Within a year, I already mixed and blended with the community taking part in ceremonies, and women's weekly contribution "teggo" among other social activities. My Co-wives, however, were notorious for their night activities but I mind my business because I have no right to judge them. Whether good or bad we are all trying to survive because we find ourselves in a situation we do not ask or bargain for. 

In two years, I saved up a few thousand from my petty trading and got myself a suitable spot at the market to sell my goods. I secretly rented a room and parlor in Soma not far from the market and filed for a divorce at the Cadi court. 

After a few months, the marriage was annulled and I had the freedom to move into my rented apartment and continue my business. 

After everything I went through at the hands of my Stepmother, my father, and my biological mother who abandoned me to suffer, I decided to live a quiet life away from the people who hurt me. I missed my deceased husband, he was the only one who truly loved me and treated me right.