Silent Pleasures: Breaking Gambia’s Bedroom Taboo

PC: Google

Sigh, damned patriarchy. I can accept all these patriarchal biases, but why should my pleasure be silent? I am tired, I feel suffocated, and I feel like I am about to explode.
Ladies, what should I do about all these desires in my body? 

A chilly silence fell over us. We exchanged glances and then looked at Binzy, who was cupping her chin with those lifeless eyes that used to sparkle with joy whenever we came together as friends. Binet Bah, affectionately known as Binzy, has always been the life of the party. She’s our organiser and is usually in charge of coordinating our all-girls outings.

Today, however, that party animal didn’t only leave the preparations to us; she had been quiet since we arrived at Lemon Creek. We were all walking on eggshells around her until she finally decided to break the silence.

“Binzy, are you okay? Is everything alright at home?” Fancy asked hesitantly. After a few minutes of excruciating silence, our friend of more than a decade finally spoke. “Ladies, I am sexually starved, and I cannot—no, I am not allowed to—speak my mind.” Binzy stood abruptly and said, “Ladies, look at me. What is wrong with me? I have the looks. I have curves in all the right places. I am God’s perfect creation. My only crime is marrying a man trained by patriarchy, who is blind to every part of me except my vagina.”

“Am I supposed to have sexual intercourse with my husband only during the night and when he is in the mood? Can you imagine that this man doesn’t even know which parts of my body arouse me? All he wants is to open my legs, satisfy himself, and then go to sleep. Damn, I hate patriarchy.

The worst part is when I want to talk, he shuts me down. I tried discussing this with my sister-in-law, and she told me that women are supposed to protect men's egos and accept what they dish out in the bedroom. She said if I become vocal about my needs, people will start calling me a prostitute or a woman who likes sex too much.”

“Fancy, why can’t women be 'prostitutes' for their husbands? Can’t I express to my husband where and how I want to be touched? Why should I be silent about my pleasure needs? Babes, I am going crazy.”

Fancy let out a deep, painful sigh and said, “Welcome to womanhood, baby girl. I feel your pain, and you are not alone. Our men are indeed selfish. Imagine having intercourse with your husband, doing your best to arouse him, and he finishes before you even get started. The moment they climax, they forget about you and your needs. When you complain, they accuse you of infidelity. This is the sad reality in our bedrooms: boring sex and silent pleasures.”

A loud, sinister laugh interrupted the conversation. We turned to see Manta, our chief spinster. She said sarcastically, “Are you surprised? They told us to remain virgins before marriage. I don’t mind that, but should we continue being virgins even when married? This is what our mothers taught us when we were growing up. We learned that speaking about our sexual needs and desires is shameful. We kept quiet and endured weak sexual performances from our men just to preserve their egos. This is why I am still single, searching for a man I am compatible. Even if I’m not allowed to have sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, a full-body romance to gauge his prowess wouldn’t hurt, right?”

"You know what? I think we should call her Chief Slut instead of Chief Spinster," Fancy responded.

"Hahaha, that's the word! Slut," replied Manta. "Women are sexual beings with needs and desires that should be fulfilled, not silenced. The patriarchy has taken over so many aspects of our lives as Gambian girls and women. Why should we allow it to invade our bedrooms? The moment we become husband and wife, I have a say in everything regarding our relationship, including how I want to be intimate with my husband. If that makes me a 'slut,' then I am happy to embrace it," Manta said.

"I support what Manta said," added Mariam, the group’s “Ibadu Rahman”. "Ladies, don’t look at me as if you’ve seen a ghost. What Manta said is true. If expressing my desires to my halal husband earns me the 'slut' title, then I will gladly accept it. I cover my body from head to toe when I'm outside, but at home, I feel free to wear less. If Gambian women can fight for a say in how they decorate their homes and what food they cook or eat, we should also be vocal about our sexual desires in the bedroom. We should no longer settle for boring, lifeless sex provided by our partners. Sexual intercourse is meant to be enjoyed by both parties.

If women are willing to spend money on expensive incense with various fragrances to enhance the atmosphere in the bedroom, we should also feel confident enough to guide our partners' hands, tongues, or any other body parts to find our G-spots.

Dear Gambian Women, bad sex is not a blessing. Remaining silent about your partner’s inability to satisfy you in bed is not a sign of respect. Do not moan or self-soothe in silence; do not let your fantasies die unexpressed. Be open about your desires and sexual needs. Allowing yourself to be sexually unfulfilled while married may lead to significant problems. Discuss your sexual needs with your partner the same way you discuss finances and household responsibilities. Do not let patriarchy silence your desires.